Just friends

Just friends.

Whenever people ask me if I have someone special in my life, I usually pause before answering yes or no…

Someone special; mmmh yes I’d like to say because you’re are someone whom I find very special. However you’re not mine to call a partner in the way society defines “someone special.”

When I think of you, I smile, my heart gets filled with joy and pain…

Pain because you’re not mine, not that anyone has a sense of entitlement over another but you know what I mean.

Pain that I cannot share the love that’s in my heart without restrictions…

Pain that I want to have the effect that you have on me but somehow I don’t know how…

Pain that when you’re down, you don’t know that you can look to me for cheering up…

When I think of you I smile because my heart knows you and has taken a rather strong liking towards you, the kind that will be with me for a long time to come.

When I think of you, I smile.

Love is too strong a word, many people might say but there’s no other word I can find to describe that which I feel for you.

I love you.

If saying “I love you” means:

I want you in my life forever,
I’d like to say hello to you more often that I do;
I’d like to be there for you when you need me,
I’d like to travel the world with you,
I’d like to experience new things with you.
I’d like to tear apart customs and create new ones with you.
I’d like to just be with you.
I’d like to hold your hand in prayer and assure you that with God, all things are possible.
I’d like to hug you and have you feel the warmth of a loving heart in a seemingly cold world.
I’d like to kiss your tears dry or cry with you till we can laugh about the hurt.
I’d like to call you whenever without thinking its a bad time.
I’d like to write many more poems of my love for you and possibly our love for each other…
I’d like to watch corny romantic movies about a love that can withstand all things with you.
I’d like to bake heart shaped cookies and initial our names with icing 😊
I’d like to write our names in the sand and let the sea or wind choose to carry them to unknown places.
I’d like to hike up mountains with you, saying nothing but everything…
I’d like for you to have me like doing these things.

If this is what saying “I love you” means… than,
I love you.

I would like the opportunity, to discover what this love can become and how it feels being loved like this by you.

My heart skips a beat for you, everytime I think of you and ponder all these things,I smile and then I have to pause and remind myself: We are just friends.

---